


Ramble On

by hougach



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Castiel, Fallen!Castiel, Human Castiel, M/M, amnesia!castiel, fallen!cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2017-12-24 04:51:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hougach/pseuds/hougach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel is cast out of Heaven, He dosnt have any memories of who he is, how he got here, or who this man is that loves him so much</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stairway to Heaven

Chapter 1: Stairway to Heaven

Dean clutched Sam’s soft, V-neck shirt with dirt-ridden hands. He practically carried Sam from the church to the side of the Impala. Dean examined Sam’s face, “It’s all right Sammy, you’re gonna be all right,” Dean said softly as he could manage without sounding panicked. Sam’s eyes opened slightly and peered upward. Dean fallowed his gaze to see bright white streams of light falling from the sky. The lights looked even more intense with the dark black background. Dean estimated thousands of lights falling towards the earth.

            “What- what is it, Dean?” Sam rasped and choking violently. Dean looked at his brother and then back at the brilliant lights. Dean stared at the beams longer and more intensely, only to see human silhouette and falling feathers burning to a crisp.

            The moment Dean realized what he was looking at, a knot began to form in his stomach and panic washed over him. He felt the color drain from his face. Dean took a deep breath still staring at the shining streams of luminous lights. He turned to Sam and saw that he closed his eyes again. Dean checked Sam’s pulse, just to make sure. Yes, breathing, barely. Dean was still determined to answer Sam’s question, conscience or unconscious. All Dean said was, “The angels, they’re falling.” 

 


	2. Dazed and Confused

Chapter 2: Dazed and Confused

         Dean glanced over at the splayed body leaning on the passenger seat. Sam, unconscious, but alive, hung over the armrest. Dean had both hands on the wheel driving down Jacobson Drive on his way to the ‘bat cave’ as Dean liked to call it. The head lights of the Impala shone 8 feet ahead and the road was dead. Dean’s eyes occasionally glanced up at the lights, to make sure he’s not imagining things. Dean turned a corner on Harrison, when he saw a figure on the side of the road. Dean took a double-take to make sure he actually saw what he saw. He looked in the rearview mirror to see a dark-haired man stumbling along the side of the road. Something in Dean’s mind was triggered when he saw the man wearing a dirty trench-coat.

Dean jerked the steering wheel roughly, making Sam’s body sway, hitting his head on the window. Dean fallowed the man down the road where he was walking. Dean pulled up next to him, rolling down the window. The man jumped when saw the vehicle, starring at Dean. “Need a lift?” Dean said casually, over Sam’s hunched over body.

Cas just looked at Dean with wide, confused eyes and kept on walking down the road, ignoring him.

“Cas! What the hell, man? Get in, where are you going?” Dean shouted, but all Dean got was a stare and Cas took off again.

Dean pulled the Impala over on the road side, checking Sam’s pulse again, going steady. Dean turned off the car, leaving the headlights on, and got out of the Impala. He ran across the road to Cas whose slow pace quickened when he saw Dean running up to him. “Wait, Cas, wait!” Dean shouted. Finally Cas stopped and turned around. Dean caught up to him and clutched Cas’s shoulder, gasping for breath.

“Who are you?” Cas whispered curiously. Dean’s head jerked up looking Cas in the eyes. Cas’s brilliant blue eyes were unfamiliar and glazed over.

Dean’s worst nightmare had come true. The man he loved doesn’t remember him.


	3. Houses of the Holy

Chapter 3: Houses of the Holy

Dean turned onto Dire Lane into a ramp that went underground. Dean parked the Impala in his 4-car garage. When he turned off the engine, Sam mumbled something and went limp again. Dean got out of the car to the other side and opened the door and tucked one of Sam’s floppy arms around his neck and one of Dean’s hand around Sam’s waist. Dean carried Sam, with tremendous difficulty, up the stairs into their home. Dean rested for a second against the wall to turn on the lights. The switch illuminated the kitchen, living area and library. He dragged Sam to his bedroom and set him down on the bed. He barely covered his impossibly long body with the quilt.

Dean walked through the house back to the garage. Dean peered into the back windows to see Cas lying down in the back seat, with only an arm for head support. Dean smiled to himself and tapped on the window. Cas sat up slowly, both eyes half open. He opened the door to see Dean leaning on the side of the Impala.

“Getting your beauty rest?” Dean smirked. He looked at him up and down, wrinkled clothes, messy hair, and an outgrown beard. “You smell like you haven’t showered in forever,” Dean said gasping for air.

“Yeah, I do stink,” Cas breathed, making a sour face.

Dean couldn’t help but smile, Yeah angels probably don’t have to take showers Dean thought. “Well, you can take a shower inside,” Dean added as he walked up to the door. Cas followed suit and trailed after him.

“Why do I feel like I haven’t eaten in years?” Cas asked with a pained face. Dean looked at Cas and shook his head.

‘Because you haven’t’ Dean wanted to say. Dean also wanted to say that they used to be best friends, hell, maybe even more... No, Dean thought, he’s not ready for that yet. For now Dean is a friendly guy that picked Cas up on the side of the road saying that Dean is his cousin, and Sam is hammered drunk. Dean explained on the way that they were watching fireworks in the woods, and Cas had wondered off. Dean blamed the amnesia on a head injury from wandering. Cas can wait to know the truth. What is Dean supposed to say? ‘Oh yeah, you were an angel that was possessing a guy named Jimmy, and the angel’s name is Castiel oh and you’re not an angel anymore, you got cast out of heaven by a rouge angel named Metatron.’ How is that supposed to come up in conversation?

“We got food inside, too, don’t worry,” Dean replied, realizing that Cas has never asked for food from Dean. Dean smiled, “How does burgers sound to you?” Dean knew those are Cas’s favorite from the time famine, the horsemen, came to town.

“Burgers sound wonderful,” Cas said with wide eyes. Dean and Cas walked through the house to the kitchen. Cas studied the cave-like house with curious eyes. There were round windows with wood trim all around the house. Down a flight of stairs was the dining room and library together. Cas wondered what they did in here to have such an expansive library.

“How about you go wash up and I’ll start on those burgers, huh?” Dean asked. When he didn’t get a reply, he looked back at Cas. He was in the library staring in wonder of all the odd book names he saw about folk lore, myths and fairy tales. “Cas you hear me?” Dean yelled down the stairs.

“Yeah, sorry. I was just looking at all our books. There is such a variety,” Cas said with amazement. Dean’s face turned red when Cas said ours. He loved the sound of it until he remembered he was supposed to be his cousin.

“You can look later, right now, what you need is some grub and a long shower,” Dean ruled. “Now go get washed up and I’ll get started on the food.”

“Okay, where is it?” Cas asked. Dean walked down the stairs and pointed down a dark hallway.

“Two doors down on the left,” Dean answered. He watched Cas stumble down the hall fumbling where the light switch was. “On your right,” Dean called after him.

“Right, got it,” Cas mumbled.


	4. Thank You

Chapter 4: Thank You

Dean woke to a sweet smelling frying pan. With his eyes half open, Dean stumbled out of bed. He stood up cautiously, feet flattening onto the cold, polished wood floor. He staggered to the door and flung it open, only to be washed over with intense scent that could only be pancakes.

Pancakes were Dean’s favorite breakfast food, he thought of them as pies that were acceptable to eat in the morning. He slowly walked down the hallway into the kitchen. Dean looked directly at the stove, only to see Cas at the pan.

Cas turned around smiling at Dean, “Good morning.” He turned back around to the pancake. “Your plate is on the table,” Cas said pleasantly. He flipped the pancake and rested it on the plate.

Dean, too confused to ask any questions, walked over to the dining table and saw three large pancakes stacked on each other with butter on top. Dean was about to sit down and eat, when he remembered Sammy. Dean turned to go to him, but as he did, Sam walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist.

“Sam!” Dean shouted, making Sam jump. Dean ran over to him and put his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “Are you ok? What about the trials, the sacrifice?” Dean panted “I thought… I thought you were…” Dean trailed off, not wanting to think about Sam dying… again.

“I guess the sacrifice that they were talking about was not about dying,” Sam said confused. “And what’s up with Paula Deen over here?” Sam laughed and pointed at Cas standing at the griddle.

Dean smiled and whispered, “I will explain as soon as you get dressed.” Dean pushed Sam’s shoulder into his room. Dean walked back to the dining room staring hungrily at the stack of pancakes on the table. He couldn’t remember the last time he had pancakes that weren’t from a diner or from the freezer isle. He sat down and grabbed the maple syrup ambitiously and poured a generous helping over his cakes. He piled them into his mouth and the light and fluffiness of the pancakes overwhelmed him with pleasure.

Cas walked over with another plentiful plate of cakes and set them down to the chair next to Dean. “Those are for Sam, don’t touch them. They’re the perfect remedy for a hangover,” Cas said satisfied that he could help his troubled “cousin”.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean groaned through a mouth full of food. He rolled his eyes as Cas walked back to the stove. Dean grinned at the thought that Cas believed Sam was the drunk for once instead of him. Dean looked back over his shoulder to make sure Cas wasn’t looking when he stole one of Sam’s delicious cakes.


	5. Chapter 5: Black Dog

Chapter 5: Black Dog

“What?” Sam asked incredulously. He searched Dean’s face to see the joking or gotch-ya expression Dean has when he is bullshitting him.

“You heard me,” Dean exhausted from replaying the scenario to Sam. “Cas has no idea who he is or who we are. I told him that we’re his cousins,” Dean said recounting what happened in the last 24 hours. He smirked as he said, “He also thinks you’re an alcoholic and that you need counseling.” Dean saw Sam’s eyes roll as he put on his jacket.

Dean noticed that Sam wasn’t as pasty and pale as he was when he was doing the trials which made Dean relived and curious as to why Sam was still alive. Sam was on the brink of death on the second trial, Dean was sure the last trial would bring the end, which is why Dean thinks it’s impossible that Sam survived.

“So when are we telling Cas the truth? Or are we letting him live in ignorance?” Sam puffed. Sam’s hair was still wet and stringy against his forehead and his skin still damp made his clothes cling to his chest. Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed and Dean sitting on a leather arm chair close by.

“Why are you so anxious for Cas to know the truth? Cas could take a couple days or weeks to sort things out,” Dean said defensively as he leaned back in his seat.

“Weeks, Dean? You’re coddling that guy way too much. The sooner he know, the better,” Sam grunted as he stooped over to tie his boots.

Dean’s cheeks flared red in embarrassment at Sam’s remark. Maybe Sam’s right, Cas should know as soon as possible, Dean thought. Dean stood up with Sam to go to the kitchen. When they entered the dining room, Cas was sitting that the table with cleared plate and a heavy book at his side. Cas didn’t bother to look up from his reading to see Sam and Dean make their way to the table. As they sat down Cas looked up and smiled.

“Why good morning Sam,” Cas said beaming at him. Dean couldn’t help but smile at the innocent persona that Cas was giving off and felt bad that he was going to lose it to the truth. Dean was rethinking his plan to tell Cas about reality when he heard the door knob rattling. Sam and Dean turned their heads towards the door and jumped out of their seats simultaneously.

When the door opened a filthy hand was on the door knob, a short dark-haired kid stumbled in to the kitchen. He threw his backpack on the ground and toppled over. Sam and Dean rushed to go to him and help him up.

“Kevin!” Sam exclaimed, running to the entrance. He threw an arm around Kevin’s neck and hauled him up. Kevin looked frailer and lighter than Dean remembered. Dean watched as Sam pushed back Kevin’s bangs to see his eyes rolled to the back.

Dean was bombarding him with questions, but no answers came out of Kevin’s mouth. Sam looked at Dean with a “Not now” sort of look, that Sam gives him sometimes when they’re questioning victims. They dragged him to a dining room chair that Cas had pulled out to easily set Kevin on.

“What do you need?” Sam asked, with sympathy to Kevin. He murmured something into Sam’s ear and Sam took off to find whatever Kevin needed.

“Who is that?” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear, while he was getting a water bottle. Dean looked up to see Cas frightened about the stranger who just strolled into their house and collapsed on the kitchen floor. Dean had totally forgot about the amnesia and felt guilty that he hadn’t told Cas the truth sooner. But now isn’t a good time to let the truth out, Dean thought.

“He’s me and Sam’s adopted brother, Kevin” Dean said and had to forcefully choke down laughter to make a serious face.

“Why is he all dirty?” Cas asked with concern. Cas’s eyes grew wide and stared into Deans deeply making Dean flush red and go back to get Kevin a water bottle.

“Well, we don’t really know much about the kid, only that he never stays clean” Dean grinned as he said the last few words. Cas looked at Dean with full understanding and nodding his head. 


	6. Chapter 6: In The Light

Chapter 6: In The Light

Kevin was wrapped in a blanket, shivering. Dean looked helplessly at Kevin, contemplating as to what to say to him. Should he let him rest and recover or he should ask all the questions to make sure they had them before Kevin passed out again? Dean couldn’t decide so he didn’t. They sat in painfully awkward silence for about 10 minutes until Dean couldn’t take it anymore.

“Where did you go?” Dean said glancing over at the heap of blankets that was Kevin. Dean wrung his hands, rubbing them together.

Kevin didn’t reply right away, only shook his head and looked at his hands. He let out a long sigh of fatigue and exhaustion. “I went outside to get a better view of the sky,” he said hoarsely, “Right when I stepped out of the bunker, Abaddon and a whole bunch of other demons, came at me.” he stopped to shiver and rub his eyes. “They asked me where Castiel was and I told them I didn’t know, they didn’t believe me, apparently,” He said laughing a little at the last bit. “Abaddon took me with her to a warehouse upstate. At least I think it was upstate,” he said with a puzzled face. “Abaddon had me strapped to a table and everything,” he confessed with puffy, water rimmed eyes. “But, before she started to rip me to shreds, a light emerged out of nowhere and filled up the entire ware house. It was almost like when an angel smites someone, that kind of light,” Kevin explained with wide eyes. “The presence of the light was comforting, until I closed my eyes and heard Abaddon screaming.”

Dean watched as Kevin shut his eyes and pressed his lips together. “What happened?” Dean asked a little impatiently. Dean sat up and leaned forward in his chair.

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut and grunted, “I don’t know, Dean, I’m not sure what to think.” He rubbed both of his hands against the temples of his head. “But, I could have sworn someone said my name, right when the light appeared. Have you ever heard of that? A light that kills a group of the most powerful demons at one go?” Kevin started shaking again as Sam came over to them with a glass of orange juice and a sandwich.

“I actually have heard of what you’re talking about,” Dean mentioned as Sam sat down. “Sam and I met another profit named Chuck, and he was the key to saving our asses when the most powerful demon had eyes on Sammy. An archangel would gank any large threat to the profit if it was near them. So maybe that’s what you saw,” Dean explained. “But, that doesn’t make any sense because all the angels fell before Abaddon took you” Dean saying more to himself than to Kevin.

“What are you two talking about?” Sam asked curiously.

“Kevin says he say an angelic light kill all the demons that took him,” Dean answered. “But, like I said, all the angels fell before Abaddon took him.” Dean rubbed his forehead and leaned back in the leather studded arm chair. “The only time I’ve ever heard of that happening is when Chuck and Lilith were in the same room, an archangel would kill any threats.”

“Yeah, but, Dean, remember when Lucifer rose out of his cage and we saw a flash of ‘angelic’ light and it was God who put us on a plane close by,” Sam said seriously. Kevin looked at Sam with widening eyes.

“God put you two on a plane to save you from the devil?” Kevin asked almost hysterically, he looked from Dean to Sam for an answer.

“Yeah, long story,” Sam said with nostalgia, he looked at Dean for help.

“You opened that can of worms, Sammy, you’re on your own,” Dean said helplessly. Sam watched as Dean got up and left the room.

Dean could hear the audible sigh from Sam as Dean made his exit. As Dean walked out of the library, he turned a corner and ran right into Cas. Their heads made a loud thud as they hit each other.

“Ow, what the hell Cas? Watch where you’re going!” Dean snapped at Cas. Cas, sitting on the floor looked up at Dean. Dean immediately regretted what he just said by the way Cas was looking at him like a lost puppy.

“I’m sorry Dean, ever since last night I’ve been feeling dizzy and disoriented,” Cas said shamefully.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean grunted as he gripped Cas’s hand and lifted him up.

Dean, remembering what he was going to tell Cas until Kevin came, said “Cas, Sam and I need to talk to you about something important.” Dean put a hand on Cas’s shoulder, making his hand tingly and warm, leading Cas into the library. Sam and Kevin were still talking about past events when Dean and Cas entered the room, but stopped abruptly as they saw Cas.

“Castiel!” Kevin shouted and jumped off the couch, but instantly fell back onto his pile of blankets.

“Take it easy, Kevin,” Sam insisted. Sam leaned into Kevin and whispered something Dean couldn’t hear.

“What?” Kevin exclaimed to Sam. Sam leaned in again and seemed to explain Kevin’s question. Kevin looked up to Cas when Sam was done whispering to him, examined Cas with curious eyes.

“I told Cas that we needed to tell him something really important,” Dean explained. He asked Cas to sit down and settled next to him. Dean started telling a story about how he went to Hell and an angel of the lord gripped him and rose him from perdition. 


	7. Chapter 7: Trampled Underfoot

**Chapter 7: Trampled Underfoot**

“So you’re telling me you guys aren’t my cousins?” Cas asked with his forehead wrinkled. He stood up from the couch to pace back and forth trying to comprehend what has been said. He rubbed his forehead and eyes. Dean noticed they were baggy and tired, much like his when he is long overdue for his 4 hours.

“No, we aren’t,” Dean sighed. He hesitated and said softly, “We’re closer than that. We’re like brothers.” Dean’s cheeks turned red but tried to ignore it. He stood up and stepped over to where Cas was and put a tired hand on Cas’s shoulder. He looked up to Dean with glassy eyes on the brink of frustrated tears.

“How can I trust what you’re saying? You’ve been lying to me, the minute I’ve arrived here. Now you’re trying to tell me I’m a fallen angel, you’re monster hunters and he’s a profit…” Cas stopped to breathe heavily. Cas’s eyelids drooped abruptly and his stance started to waver. He collapsed into Dean’s arms and caught him with tired shoulders. He carried Cas and laid him on the couch, Cas’s limbs falling into his chest.

“Did he faint?” Kevin asked with concern.

Dean was still standing over Cas,“Yeah, he did,” Dean said. He suddenly felt self-conscious and went to go sit in the arm chair across from the couch. “I told you we should have waited,” Dean said sternly and gazed upon Cas. The way Cas’s arms folded on his chest and his hair sticking up all over the place made Dean smile ever so slightly. Dean couldn’t help but feel bad for taking away Cas’s blissful ignorance and pushing him into the real world of monsters, angels and demons. Sam looked guiltily at Cas as he leaned forward towards Dean.

“What should we do when he wakes up?” Sam asked, assuming Dean had the answer.

Dean stood up and walked towards the kitchen, “I don’t know but I’m going to get a beer.” He heard the sound of Sam and Kevin getting off of the couch behind him. Sam said, “I’m serious Dean, what the hell are we supposed to tell him? If he leaves the bunker, he’ll be in danger for sure, ‘cause last time I checked, angels aren’t known for being forgiving.” Dean opened the huge industrial fridge and grabbed a dark bottle.

“Ya don’t think I know that?” Dean snapped. He twisted the cap off the bottle and took a long swig. He looked up to see Kevin leaning against the counter, hunched over. “Kevin?” Dean asked to the curve of Kevin’s spine.

Dean set down his bottle and put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, but when he didn’t acknowledge him, Dean turned him around. Dean looked at Kevin’s eyes, they were yellow and glowing bright.

“Paper, Pen,” Kevin muttered. “Paper, Pen,” Kevin repeated.

Dean looked at Sam for an answer, but saw Sam was confused as Dean was. Dean, still clutching Kevin’s red sweatshirt, pulled him from the counter and dragged him into the dining room. Sam pulled a chair out for him and Dean set Kevin down.

Kevin was still repeating the words ‘paper, pen’ under his breath. His eyes were still glowing gold and were unfocused and glassy. Sam ran over, finally, with a notebook and a pen and handed it over to Kevin. Kevin grabbed it, uncharacteristically forceful, out of Sam’s hands. Kevin started scribbling numbers onto the notebook, pressing the pen harder than it needed to be. Dean noticed that Kevin wasn’t even looking at what he was writing, just staring into space ahead of him while his hands were busy etching each number into the notepad. At the end of the page he wrote in large dark letters ‘GRACE.’

When he was done, the tight grip on his pencil slacked, dropping it to the ground and his eyes turned back to their regular steely gray. Kevin jumped, “How did I get in here?” he asked.

Dean looked from Kevin to Sam, trying to figure what the hell was going on. Sam shrugged unhelpfully, and took the notebook. He ripped the page from the notebook, and studied it.

“Dean, these numbers look like coordinates,” Sam pointed out.

Dean took the paper out of Sam’s hand, “Yeah, they do. Maybe these coordinates are where Cas’s grace is,” Dean suggested.

Dean’s mind raced at the possibility of Cas getting his grace back. It was selfish to Dean to hope that Cas would stay human, but he kind of wanted it. He wanted to eat and sleep with Cas and just do what normal people do. He wanted to wake up in the morning and have Cas beside him and not have to worry that he disappeared, because that’s what Cas used to do. He wanted to hunt with him, show him things humans do. Deep down Dean was happy Cas was human, and some part of him wished Cas was happy being human too. 


End file.
